motherhood 101

I started writing this a month and a half ago but never finished it, until now...

I feel like this new transition into motherhood as been an interesting one for me, one that I am still figuring out. I remember just being so excited to not be pregnant anymore so I could have my body back. well surprise. welcome breastfeeding...and spits ups....and tight clothes....and squishy belly. dont think your out that easy! your body feels totally different . i think i have one pair of pants that still fits from before, and thats using the word 'fit' loosely. still sporting those awesome maternity pants, because dang it all i am NOT giving in to buying another set of clothes just to change again, hopefully right?

i feel like I move different too. my back kills now and then i think because im lacking the stomach muscles to support it. my body looks different in more than one way and im thinking it probably wont ever be the same. More than anything i just want to feel strong.

I feel like I heard so much about having a baby and pregnancy but some how I missed this HUGE part called how to deal with the aftermath.

What I would have told myself....

1. Be prepared to let yourself heal. it takes time. like a lot of time. let others help you. you arent going to feel good, trust me.

2. you will be very tired. yeah i know youve heard this before. no but seriously, youve never known what this kind of tired is so dont even try. You will think you dont need to sleep and rest but im telling you, you do, for your sanity and everyone elses. even when you sleep its light because you are worried hes going to stop breathing (ok maybe this was just me, but I felt this anxiety that if I wasnt watching him he would stop breathing)

3.  if they need to stitch you back up two days later, ask someone to punch you in the face first, it will feel a lot better.

4. emotions will be a little out of wack. just roll with it. what else can you do really?

5. Forget about going the bathroom easily, its a whole production. Not to mention the whens and hows of taking your medicines and his feeding schedule, number of poops and pees to give your daily report to the drs.

6. when they tell you to STAY in bed and dont move until you heal, listen.

7. BUT the hospital will be sadly your daily outting out, so thats unavoidable.

8. nothing will fit except your sweat pants and old work out clothes. nice.

9. you are now a milk making machine. be prepared for a lot of comfortable moments...ill just leave it at that.

10. there will be weeks you dont dare leave the house and it starts to feel like you may never. but take heart, by the time hes two months things considerably turn around and it gets easier. youre more confident and hes happier.

So much has changed since those first few weeks. Cade is such a happy boy now and he has one happy mommy who loves being with him!