Ryan's Birth Story

Its only a year later, but I did it! yay! Im printing it off today to put in his memory accordion and posting it to my blog for fun :)

Monday morning November 25^th my mom and I woke up early to head to American Fork hospital. We had everything packed up and Ellen (Brice’s mom) came over to watch Cade. I was excited and nervous. I felt peace that everything would be ok. I was excited to have the chance to talk to Brice and all I wanted to tell him was how everything went so well. I had only talked to him on the phone a couple of times for a short time since he had left Oct 6^th for basic training.

         Went in at 7am to be induced. Had taken birth prep and prim rose oil.  They told me I was at a 4 and really ready and soft. I really think it helped to take the medicine because both nurse and midwife seemed pleasantly surprised how ready I was for never having real contractions.

         American Fork hospital. Checked in. Started Pitocin slowly.  Didn’t really feel contractions too much. Gentle and still could relax. Melissa (doula) did a gentle touch exercise while I focused on my breathing and listened to relaxing music. I wanted to be sure I could have the epidural right before they got too much but didn’t want to wait too long.  They turned up the Pitocin and things started to pick up but still not bad. They turned it up again after sometime had gone by. 

         They were getting really strong and there was a lot of pelvic pain and some back pain, which I didn’t remember having with Cade. I decided it was time for the epidural. I don’t remember what I was at this time. I want to say I was at a 5.5 cm but I didn’t worry too much about it. Just went with my feelings.

         This time it was much slower in getting it and it stating to work. I leaned on Melissa while they put it in. I remember it been very difficult to sit and it made me nervous for the next contraction. The nurse told me to put my legs up and criss cross them. That made a huge difference while I worked through some hard long contractions while I got the epidural.

         I remember feeling it go in much more than I did with Cade. It didn’t really hurt, but not comfortable I would say. They had me lay on my back as soon as it was in (which is also a very hard position to be in while contracting) and had a few more hard contractions. It seemed to take a while before I really starting seeing it work and I could relax. They helped me by holding my legs up while I laid down.

         Once the epidural kicked in I rested. I didn’t have chills or any side affects of any kind. The midwife would come and check on me and she said she could break my water any time and things would really speed up. I decided not to do that. To just relax, breathe, and focus on my baby. I decided there was no rush.

         My doula Melissa reminded me to listen to my body, to continue to do the things I wanted to do before I had the epidural, that it was my body’s way of telling me what it needed (to keep my legs open, to not sit ect). My hesitation to break my water I felt was because it wasn’t really the right thing for me to do. So I rested and waited.  It wasn’t too long after all that that I started to feel something. I was worried at first that maybe he was already coming out…but it couldn’t be that easy, could it?

         Just as I was telling Melissa what I was feeling, my midwife came in and checked. She couldn’t believe what she saw. It was the sack just ballooning out. He was ready to come!!        

Took some real effort to break the sack on her part because of how tough it was.  When I started to push I pushed like normal but then the midwife had me back off and do just half pushes. She was doing all she could to help me not tear. I was brave this time and wanted to see with the mirror and watched it all happen. It was pretty neat to see and crazy too.   It took less then 10 minutes to get him out and a handful of pushes.  He was born soon after 1:00 pm.  Labor was just over 5 hours.

         As soon as he was out they put him right on me. The cord was
short and couldn’t come up too far.  His eyes were already slightly open. He was so cute and small.  He cried a little but seemed really calm to me. It was love at first sight. I got to hold him and nurse him soon after.

         I got to keep Ryan with me (holding or in his hospital bassinet) the whole time until I got to my recovery room….a few hours after I had him. After that they took him and gave him a bath. I wanted to watch so I went down in a wheel chair.  His eyes were open more and he was the cutest baby in the world!

         It was a beautiful day and besides Brice not being there, there was nothing that could have gone better. Answer to prayers for sure!! I felt completely taken care of and everything happened that way I had hoped. I only look back at Ryan’s birth with happy, peaceful feelings.  He was such a sweet, calm, happy, easy going baby and I was so in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him. I am so blessed to know my little Ryan bug!!!

Timothy Family Addition

Baby oh baby!!!!! We are going to have our hands full with three under three!! ha

When we first found out we were pregnant we were surprised and overwhelmed. Now we are past the shock ha and are so happy and excited. Its going to get even crazier over here!!! I am 10 weeks right now and am due April 22nd 2015.  Cade will still be 2 and Ryan will be 17 months old. 

We had an ultra sound this Monday. There is definitely only one moving around in there :) We saw the baby's heart beat, little moving arms and the umbilical cord.  He or she is only the size of a lima bean. Life is so amazing!! 

We would love to have a girl...but we would be so happy if its a boy too. Three boys.....I think that would be so cute too!! :) 

My morning sickness is starting to ease up and Im so glad about that. Im still so exhausted and I have bad days but its more manageable. Poor kids have been entertained with Disney for the last month!! You do what you have to do. HUGE shout out to my very patient and helpful husband. He has picked up the slack so much around here since Ive been sick. After work he is a full time daddy and husband shopping for food, making food for us, changing diapers, and helping take care of the kids and me. I cant wait to feel better and start getting things done again!!!

Cravings Ive had lately: 

Swiss rolls, veggie sushi rolls, cheese sandwiches with mayo

Cade William

This little boy of mine is growing up!! I am in love with this little face....his dirty blonde hair, long dark eyelashes, sky blue eyes with dark blue rings around the outsides...and that smile of his that lights up his whole face. He is adventurous, determined, intense (I dont know where he gets that from ha) and funny...he has the best facial expressions! He is at his best when he is out and about and doing something. He loves kids and seeing new things. I think he might be my extrovert. 

This little man has some ideas! It seems like he is always thinking of some way of making something and doing something. And boy can he get into trouble. Some times I feel like I cant get ahead of him. hah

He is OBSESSED with airplanes and his blanket. He always needs his airplane and his car with him. He loves to play with water but doesnt really like to get in it and get all wet.  
He doesnt like socks and refuses to let me put them on him. Brushing his teeth is a fight most days. Hes been more into pretend play lately and its so cute to watch him pretend to take care of his doll, or to pretend to eat and feed me. He gets very concerned when something (like in a movie or his toy) gets hurts or cries.

He loves to jibber jabber and will repeat words and sentences when u tell him too. He loves imitating what you do too. 

favorite words: 
deedee (blanket) 
airmane (airplane) 
spoo (show)
fu-fus (food)
stawberry - this was his first multi syllable word
 waterdirsty (he wants a drink)
 no peez no peez no peez no (no please)
is sad  (something gets hurt)
a fun (something fun - like playground or outside)
uh oh no no ry ry (telling ryan not to do something)

favorite signs: 
food, again, more, bird, frog,apple, strawberry, thirsty, banana, please, cookie


What worries me the most about him right now is his picky eating, his love for sugar, his obsession with Ipad games and shows, and his talking. oh and how to potty train him. 

Even with some frustrating moments, he is such a good boy. He brings so much joy to our family and I am so grateful to have him in my life!! It sure is so fun to watch him grow and change. 

Random Thoughts

my two children are currently wanting me instead of quietly going to sleep in their bed...which is all i want to do right now :) little ryan needs me like he needs a binkie or a blanket. he is completely calm when i hold him but as soon as I lay him down his eyes pop open and he knows im not there anymore! 

ive had a million thoughts running through my head lately and although im pretty sure not many people even read my blog (which actually makes it maybe easier to write) i really want to share them. 

today i went to the commissary (its the grocery store on the military base) and i saw a family of five kids. i did the look without trying to make it obvious you are counting look and sure enough 5 little munchgins. the next thought that went through my head is wow, they must be exhausted. 

i love seeing moms with lots of little kids. it honestly makes me smile and i think, im so glad im not the only crazy one around here.  to have a bunch of small kids close together is not for the weak and going to the store with them and survive is something to be celebrated! 

today as ryan was crying and i went in and held him, i was so glad i didnt feel frustrated but thought how one day he wont want me anymore. he will want his friends or his wife or whatever else...but right now all he wants is me and i am the only thing in this world that calms him and makes him happy. i was so grateful i could have that bigger picture today. 

we have been in new york now for 6 months, and all in all its been a really good experience. its soo pretty here and the people in our ward are amazing people. i like learning about their different stories. In the military, people usually have a story to tell about why they are in the military and how things have gone for them. although im still very hesitant about living a military life, i try to just focus on the here and now, and right now it feels like this is the right place for us. 

when i was in california i had the chance to see my grandma rosell. she is in hospice and i was warned about how bad she is right now. she didnt move at all and breathed with her mouth open and her head back. she talk very muffled and quiet but i could hear her say how wonderful and to tell her all ive been doing. i could see her spirit come through, the one i know and love so much. it was time to go and i got up and gave her a hug and a kiss and i knew that was the last time id probably see her. its a sad reality when you know theres no more hellos, no more of something, and to have no more of my sweet grandma broke my heart. i tried hard to cry quietly and gave her another hug and kiss. i need to remember in all the space of days, there will be a last day for me and the others i love. my days are numbered and i need to remember that to make better use of my time here. 

I saw a post on face book the other day that said "I wish I could live life with the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old." wow what kind of life would i live if i could live like that?? With time and experience there is wisdom. The things you would do in your 20s maybe you would never have done in your 30s because you have grown and learned and changed. its so easy to look back and say what you would have done differently. but you know things because youve gone through them...standing at the door with the world of uncertainty before you is a very different story. and not only that, you are looking at it without the burden of the challenges and trials of that time.  although i wish i sometimes i had a start over button to life i need to remember to be kind to myself. i did the best i could at the time. maybe my best now is different then my best then, but i cant get down about that. 

well i think that will be it for now...and happily i think my kids are finally asleep! :)

I need some help!!

So Im nervous to write this post but I need help. It is something that has been really bothering me and it feels like something you cant just talk about...Im hoping for experiences and maybe new insight to help me feel better about things or change the way I see it....please dont hesitate to share your thoughts, experiences and feelings if you feel like you can. I would really appreciate it!

When I had my first son I didnt give much thought if I would circumcise him or not. I just thought...yeah of course. I didnt think much of it then that.

When we went to the doctors office I was nervous and decided to have Brice there and I would leave the room. I walked the halls anxiously on the brink of sobs as I heard my little baby crying so much and it tearing me up inside to not go and help him. He cried so much when it was over and on the way home. My first thought when I saw him was, on my gosh what have they done to my baby? It looked awful to me. It looked so painful and I felt sooo awful. He screamed when he peed for the first two times and I called the doctors and asked if there was something I could put on to numb. No nothing. Vasline only and Tylenol. Its hard on moms but it will heal, they said. Something about that felt so wrong. I felt so helpless.  How can this be ok, i thought to myself?

When I had chance I talked to people I felt safe to talk to about it. Why was this soo hard for me and it felt sooo wrong? I vented my frustrations and feelings but could never get to a place that felt right.

Then we found out we were having a boy again. That terrible feeling came back and I dreaded the inevitable. This time I knew what that meant and I felt so sick about it.

I have tried researching about it and asking tons of questions but nothing left me feeling totally better about it. I dont know if its necessarily that its done or the way its done. I think both for me, but especially the second. I dont like the fact that they dont wait to let the medicine really set it before they do it and I wonder how much numbing stuff they really use.

The problem with researching and asking people is you face the judgment. There are those who think you are a horrible mother for doing it and then you have those who feel like how can you not do it, for cleanliness and social reasons. There is nothing I can find that makes me feel like it is a good thing, research wise. Even those arguments aren't really convincingly backed up. The trend is rising that more and more arent being circumcised in the US and it makes me wonder....are there others who feel the same way I do?? Why do I feel so alone like Im the only one who feels this way?? Ive talked to my sister in law who is a dental hygienist and uses and has used the numbing stuff on her many times...and says it definitely would help him not feel pain. Ive talked to a few friends (you know who you are:)) and some of them had more positive experiences and that has given me hope.  Another did not and said her doctor told her it doesnt really numb the tip...please be lying to me right now! Seriously??

I asked the nurse if they feel it when the procedure is done and questions about how its done. She said that they feel pressure but dont feel pain and there are some who barely cry at all. They just dont like to be hassled with. She said it shouldnt hurt them when they pee after. She said she is having a boy and she will do it for sure. Our kids doctor (who regularly does the procedure) told me that he had all his sons done,  and said its not a inhumane thing at all. If he does them and he still had it done for his sons, it cant be as bad as it seems?? Can it?

Then it was Ryans turn. He was two weeks old and Brice was still gone at basic. I went by myself and opted to stay with him. I did that because I thought I would feel worse being out of the room wondering what they are doing to him then being there and I figured not being there doesnt change the fact and reality of what is being done. I wanted to see for myself.

They gave him two shots at the base and immediately started stretching the skin and clamping the skin on the sides with these small metal tools. They gave him sugar water to help him and continued squirting it in a fast stream enough that he had to continually gulping and couldn't take a breathe to scream. But that look in his eyes. Im telling you, it haunts me. They worked to find a metal piece that would fit best and pushed it on so that the skin would be clear from anything else. At this point he was screaming and semi choking despite the sugar water and for the first time I saw a tear come out of his eye.

Once the skin was around the metal piece they took the knife and cut the skin off... and it rolled up and it was gone. They bandaged him up and as fast as I could, I picked him up to comfort him. It took everything inside of me not to break down in tears right there.

And you tell me that it doesnt hurt? Why do I soo not believe you right now?

And unlike a shot that is quick and over...this one just keeps being bad. Ryan would scream and shake and cry so much I was worried he woulds stop breathing whenever he peed. It was awful awful. I kept saying, this is so wrong. How can they do this to him? And I was thinking, how can I do this to him??

His birth was so peaceful and calm and he was such a calm and happy baby the first two weeks....and then this happens and he would often wake up screaming. He cried more then I had ever heard from him before and every time I changed his diaper, I would feel so much guilt.  I resented so much what this had been done... it felt like it had stolen those happy peaceful feelings that I had worked so hard to have for him and us.

I have sworn that I cant have another boy because I cant do it again.  We better just have all girls because I cant go through with it again. I dont know how I can.

If you have had a similar experience or maybe an easier one, I would so appreciate some advice, tips, another way of seeing it, ect anything to help me to work through this and find a place that I can feel better about it all. Thanks friends!!

Flying Nightmare

I wrote this letter to send to American Airlines but since I ended up just telling the whole story in my true fashion with details and all (because whats a true drama without details right?? :) I decided what the heck...Ill just post in on my blog for posterity (and anyone else interested in the details of my nightmare experience...which apparently was the worst cancelled/delayed flight days in history!)


Feb. 26, 2013

To Whom It May Concern:  

I am writing in regards to my experience with American Airlines for my trip scheduled to fly Thursday Feb 20^th.   I was flying alone with my 22 month old and my 3 month old across country to meet my husband where he was stationed in Ft Drum New York.  He had been gone since October for training and this was the first time I would see him since Christmas.  

On Thursday morning at 9am I arrived at the Salt Lake City Airport.  The baggage bellman was very helpful, took my bags, and looked at my husband’s military orders and my military card without complications.

But when we approached the desk to receive a pass to have my mom and sister help me through check out, I was shocked at the rudeness and lack of help from the worker. She spoke to me and my mom quite condescendingly, and was then told that I had to take out my kids and have the stroller weighed. When we explained to her that I was going across country by myself, and it would be very difficult/impossible to do it without it, she said well then you will have to do it like the olden days. 

It was very upsetting to both of us at the lack of customer service and respect this lady showed us. When we asked her for our tickets and IDs back, she refused to give them back to us. At this point the bellman came up to us, seeing how we were upset at this whole situation. He listened to our concerns and then approached the lady and talked reason to her. After much talking and what looked like a hopeless situation, the bellman was able to finally talk her into helping us. If it wasn’t for his help I literally would not have made it through the next nightmare that was to happen. He saved me.  

I flew from Utah to Chicago with out too much trouble. I was to have a three hour lay over and then get on a small plane to Watertown New York.  When it got time to board I noticed the time had changed.  I waited in the airport for another three hrs or so as I continued to see the time move later and later. I had landed at 4:15pm (landed late) in Chicago, was suppose to take off at 6:45pm but didn’t leave until 11:00pm.

Completely exhausted from the day, taking care of my little ones, and lack of sleep, I was relieved when we finally loaded the plane. There was terrible turbulence and I was so motion sick I didn’t think I was going to make it. My little boy was even scared from all the drops. We weren’t even in the in the air 20 minutes when there was an announcement that the plane had a maintain issue and we had to turn around. It was devastating.

We landed and was told soon after that the flight would be cancelled and that I would be helped at the desk with other arrangements. Its was now past 12am.  My 22 month old was exhausted too and crying from all the days adventure. I was told at the counter that the next flight they could give me was Sunday! They said they could give me a voucher for one day at the hotel and some food but that was it. If I wanted another voucher I would have to come back the next day. I was running through my head how I would do that alone with two kids, not practical in the least!!

Then he said that maybe he could fly me Friday from Philly then to New york.  But all my stuff would be sent to Water town and there was no way to get it.  He said the shuttle is down stairs. Ok just get to the hotel, I told myself. I now had 3 diapers left and no formula, and not a clue how in the world I was going to take care of my kids. 

A compassionate angel lady took me under her wing and helped me as we left security and went down to level 1 of the airport to wait for the shuttle. She was also in the same situation but had with her her elderly mother in a wheel chair, and her 9 year old daughter and 4 year old son.

When we got down to level 1 I noticed first thing the awful smell. As I looked around I noticed many homeless people covered with whatever they could find sleeping in all sorts of places and positions. It was very scary and unsafe to be in this situation alone, with two kids. We waited and waited. Until finally we saw 2 men that noticed we were in the same situation and approached us. They said they called and found out that the Best Western hotel was completely booked and the vouchers were completely useless!!! I couldn’t believe it. We tried going back up stairs, there wasn’t anyone to help us and we couldn’t go back through security.

If it wasn’t for the lady I was with who had data on her phone and was able to look up different hotels in the area, I would have had to stay at the airport all night with no supplies to take care of my kids.

She called around at a few hotels and finally found one we could stay at. But we would have to pay 131 dollars a night out of our pockets!!! We waited for the shuttle. And waited. Called again. Shuttle ends at 12:00 am. It was now past 1:30am!! We would have to take a taxi and again pay for it out of our pockets!! I was so upset by this situation.  I was forced by the terrible situation to now get into a car with no car seat for my son and risk the lives of my children because the car seat had to be checked in.  It was either that or be separated from the only help I was getting around there and stay there at the airport with nothing.  It was very upsetting at the lack of support and help I was receiving from the people who had made this mess in the first place.

With the help of a complete stranger who also took compassion on me, he went out in the middle of the night, when he could have been sleeping, to buy me wipes and diapers so I had some basic things to take care of my kids and a phone charger so I could keep my husband updated. Because the food delivery services wouldn’t accept my food vouchers, I had to pay 40 dollars out of my own pocket. There was no option of leaving again with no car seat to get in a taxi. I was completely stuck.

I had to stay two nights and pay 277 dollars for the hotel. Our flight for Friday was also cancelled. My husband continued to call and FINALLY got some help through the travel agent here on base to schedule a flight earlier. I was again shocked at the lack of help and costumer service at all the people I talked to in Chicago. Many of them looked at me and talked to me like they could absolutely care less about helping me in the least. I could write another page about the different experiences of the lack kindness, help and customer service and frankly rudeness, but I will spare you.

The nicest worker that I encounter on this 3 day nightmare was the stewardess on United Airlines, on my last and final flight. She was kind and helpful. She checked on me and brought my son a special healthy snack. She made sure I had help getting off and told me before descending she would be back to help me when we got off. I made a point to express my appreciation and that she was the kindest and most helpful worker I had talked to in this three day nightmare.

From this experience, I am convinced that I will never fly American Airlines again nor recommend this airline to anyone else. The workers and customer service was quite frankly one of the absolute worst I have ever experienced. Other people I talked to and interacted with during this felt the same way. Many people felt completely abandoned and neglected by American airlines, including the group I was with. 

I will be making a follow up call in a few days in regards to this letter. Thank you.

                                                                                      Emily Timothy

Catching Up

Wow it has been forever! To catch up, heres a quick summary of what we have been up to these last 6 months.....

Had a fun family vacation in Colorado with my Dad and siblings....

Took a trip with this hottie to Las Vegas....

Had great help packing :)

Went to Disneyland with Brice's family in August....

Joined the Army.... 

A friend asked me when he joined...i couldnt help myself... um..."when he lost his mind!" :)...I thought i was pretty hilarious and Brice couldnt help but smile too ha

Its been a crazy few months with all the ups and downs and challenges as you can imagine. I will have to write a more in depth post all about Brice joining and our adventure with that...it definitely deserves its own post :)....

Stayed busy keeping this one in line! ha....(it is not an easy job you know ha)...

 Had Halloween....what a cute construction worker!!...

Missed Daddy ALOT....we waited and waited for him to finish bootcamp and get home for Christmas....

Went to the hospital, you know, just to have a baby...no big deal... ha

Waited three more weeks until I could see Brice....longest three weeks ever. 

And had Christmas and did a whole lot of fun things when Brice was home for two and a half weeks...

We are now in the last of all this training and Brice will graduate Friday (Feb 6) and hopefully soon we will find out where we are moving. 

As for now (and all of January since Brice left again) Ive been hanging out with these two cuties and trying to stay out of trouble. :) Its been challenging thats for sure...some ways harder and some ways easier then I expected. It feels good to almost be done with this marathon and have it behind us. I still cant believe we actually did it now that I look back.