Cade is almost a year!

I seriously cant believe we are coming up to almost a year of having Cade!! I remember back when he was first born and I still remember it very well... those first few months were so exciting and hard and tiring and emotional...

I knew having a baby would be hard. I've seen movies and heard some  traumatic birth stories before. I went in very confident that I could do it though.  Needles usually freak me out and I dread the whole experience...but when you are pregnant..its amazing what you are ok with people doing to you. You are so excited for your baby that its all ok because you are going to meet them soon!

The day I had him I wasn't nervous really, just excited, and relieved it was finally the day to have him. No more waiting and wondering. I felt confident (naively) that I could handle what would come. They broke my water and within 30 minutes I was having pretty strong contractions without any pitocin. I lasted four hours of having contractions without any medicine. I gave it my all and went as far as I wanted to take it, and then an epidural became my best friend. Finally I can relax!! 

If someone can tell me how to relax during having a baby I would love to know!! I felt like I needed to get up and do something, not lay there and just wait for the next one...(His whole birth story if you want to read about it :) So yeah, it wasn't as easy as just relaxing and doing my hypno birthing stuff. It wasnt easy or that fun, at all. Im in awe of woman who have gone through this crazy experience, especially all the woman who have/had to do it naturally. Wow.

He was born and it was amazing to have him here and see him. It was pretty amazing and humbling and surreal really. They put him in my arms and suddenly I was a mom. I was now suppose to know exactly what to do. He was my baby. 

The next few days were the most exciting and hard days. WAAYYY harder than I expected. Your body just birthed a human being...and depending on the size that can determine the damage...Cade was almost 11 lbs...10lbs and 11 ozs to be exact..and he was my first. But no matter the size, it is still some serious trama to the body. I still wonder how the heck he actually came through me. Birth is nuts! Seriously. I was there experiencing it and I still look at him sometimes and think...holy cow I had a baby!! How did that happen?? aha 

One of the hardest predicaments about birth is that you really need to sleep to heal. If you had major surgery or an accident the doctor would tell you to rest. But sadly that cant happen. The truth of it is you probably havent been sleeping that great lately anyways, since you have this huge bowling ball for a belly. Then if you were like me you were up all night having him. And then once hes born I was like on the highest high, like I was a kid again the night before Disneyland. I couldnt sleep. The mommy stuff kicks in and you feel like you need to always be there to know what he is doing and watch him and make sure he is still breathing. When I finally did go to sleep, it was like a nap. An hour or so after Id be asleep, they would be in waking me up telling me he needed to eat and check my vitals. 

You seriously need like two days to just sleep after this whole experience but it aint happenin' sister. I use to think Id just take naps and Id be fine. Well naps are good and all, but you have been going years and years with 7-8 of one chunk of sleep and then suddenly not to do that is a serious shock to your body. I would set my alarm for every 2 1/2 hrs to wake up....all.. day..long. Because he had jaundice they told me I had to feed him a lot and to make sure I fed him 2 or 2 1/2 hrs even if it meant waking him up. That was from beginning of one feeding to the beginning of another. My alarm would go off, I'd go get him, change his diaper, feed him for like 40 minutes with burping during and after, rock him to sleep if he wasn't sleep, then down to sleep...by that time I was setting the alarm for the next hr or so to wake him up again. All day long. Craziness!! 

We had to go back to the hospital everyday to get his blood tested. That was hard in itself seeing my little baby poked. Not fun. The nurses would call everyday for a check up from me about how many peeps, poops, and how many times and how long he was eating. Between writing down his hourly happenings and my medicine schedule and hygiene regiment..i thought I was going to go crazy. I had to go to the doctors twice myself within the first week home because I had some blood gushing out and an inflection where I tore and had to be restitched at the doctors. Honestly worse than having Cade, since I could feel every stitch that went in. It was traumatic. 

Did I mention it was hard? :)

Having a baby was well an experience to remember...and its amazing the courage we as woman have to do it again and again...I've figured there is only one word to explain it ...CRAZINESS! :) 

I still remember what it was like and this time Im more scared because I know what it feels like during and after, but when I remind myself of this little face...he is my heart crawling around on the outside... 

I know I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.