Letter to my Little Boy

                                                                       March 8, 2013
Dear Cade, 

Sometimes when things mean a lot it is hard to find the words to explain yourself. Thats how I feel about you. I am so grateful that you made my dream come true of being a mom. It has been the best thing that has ever happend to me. I love being your mommy and seeing you grow and change so much. 

I always heard that there was nothing stronger than a mother's love. And now I can see how true that is. My heart expanded to a new place I didn't know was there when I had you. When I see you driving in Dad's car I feel that dread that you are my heart walking around and the more you grow up, the more I cant keep you forever safe. 

I want to be the very best of everything for you. I want to love you purely, be the person you trust when you need advice, and be someone that you like being around :) .... I hope to teach you by example but I know the truth of it is Im still learning about life through you. I wish I could be everything I want and hope you to be...confident, brave, selfless...but I still doubt myself, I still listen to my fears too much, and I dont reach out always the way I should. I still worry too much about what others think. I wonder what good I will do for you and what things you will have to overcome because of me. 

One thing you can be sure of is that I will always love you and I will always want the best for you. I have high hopes for you. I have high hopes for our family. I want to make our home a place that can build a strength and confidence in you, so that when your trials come, you will have the faith and and resilience to get back up. 

I want you to know its ok that you fall. In fact, its a wonderful thing. That means you are learning some great lessons about life and yourself. And just because life does things to you or people say or do things, doesn't mean any of its true or that you are less than you really are. Assume the good and doubt the bad in yourself when life starts to get to you. Yes you can make. Yes you are strong. Yes you can make a difference in this world through your life story. 

Learn to feel the fear and do it anyways. Everyone has fear. We all worry about the unknown. Learn to overcome your fear and follow your heart. Do something you want to do without worrying how others may see you. It can be scary...ok terrifying...but when you feel the thrill of doing something anyways, you are really starting to live. 

Live for others. Learn to think of others, to give of yourself. To give a compliment, to give a smile, to make some one laugh, to be a true friend, to think about what will make that other person happy and do it.  It will be hard and it may not seem worth it at times. But even if you dont see it, the difference you make by being the best you is no doubt real. Know you may not get back what you give but thats ok. Isnt that what Christ did for us? 

Love yourself. Make mistakes. Laugh at yourself. But dont think too much of yourself. I love this thing I heard once...get ready and look the best you can and then go out and forget about it and focus on others...I think thats great advice. If they can do it, why cant you?? They arent any more special than you. Follow your heart. Follow your heart. Follow your heart. And if the world gets so loud and you cant hear what it's saying, and things get a little foggy, just ask yourself, whats right? Do that thing and see miracles happen. 

I love you Cade. There is nothing you can do or not do that would ever make me love you any less or make me see you any less than perfect. You will always be my baby boy. 

Love,
MOM